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No Milk, No Eggs? No Problem. Chocolate cake!

May 15, 2009

So let’s say you have this coworker.  And she’s done something sweet for everyone in the office who has had a birthday sine she began working with you.  And you happen to like her.  And you happen to find out that it was her birthday last week and no one even knew it. So, no one told her Happy Birthday.  And to boot?  She brought in a cake for another coworker on her OWN birthday.  Yeah.  Not cool.

IMGP3374This is just a little eye candy to keep you reading.

This coworker, let’s call her Debbie, deserves a cake.  So you decide to make one when you get home.

But the grass needs to be cut.  And the Omnivore still has that whole-broken-foot-thing.  And your mower isn’t self-propelled, and although that’s rather extraneous to the topic at hand, I’d thought I’d let you know.  Back to the grass — it needs to be cut because you’re having a Pampered Chef party this weekend — and that *is* cooking related and that’s why I’m telling you.

But you need to cut the grass.  And you don’t have any eggs (remember the cake for Debbie?).  I really did have eggs, but I’m just setting the scene here. You don’t have any milk, either, because you’re lactose intolerant.  (More scene-setting).  But you want to bake a cake.

You’re pretty stubborn.

And so, somehow, you come up with this:


And I don’t even care if this ends up on cake-wrecks.  I made cake with no dairy ingredients and homemade frosting and I’m proud of it, mkay?  I’m not running a bakery here.  Remember my pretzel post?

Listen.  I’m good at a lot of things.  I’ve done some amazing things with vital wheat gluten.

And I’m pretty sharp outside of the kitchen, too.  Don’t dare to me to do a headstand while I’m coxing a gold medal-winning collegiate crew boat.  Because I will.


But these skills do not necessarily transfer over to cake decorating.  And that’s okay.  And if you have a problem with my skills, then you meet me out back, mkay?

For my dear friend, whom I affectionately call Debbie-Does-Dallas, I made a marbled cake.  Little did I know that it her *favorite* type of cake.  The following recipe is for the chocolate portion of the cake.

Betty Crocker’s Chocolate Snack Cake
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup baking cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cold water

Mix all ingredients except vinegar in a medium mixing bowl.  Stir thoroughly to remove most lumps.  Add vinegar.  Stir again and pour into prepared 8x8x2 cake pan.  Bake at 375* for 20-25 minutes.

This recipe even says you can go ahead and mix everything in a nonstick cake pan.  Talk about the ultimate cake!

Only dirty the single cake pan and the whisk and you’re good to go mow the lawn.  Because it’s looking shaggy.  And the girls are coming over for the Pampered Chef party.  And you’ve got to keep up with the Jonses.  Seriously.  They’re watching.



And although this marbled cake is quite, quite pretty.  The cake must be iced.  Because you musk ask Debbie why she kept her birthday a secret. She’s going down for this one.

And so you have 1 cup of powdered sugar.  And that is reserved for royal icing for the lettering.  And you still need frosting.  And the grass still needs to be cut because the Omnivore’s foot is still broken. And so you need a quick frosting.  Using granulated white sugar.

Quick-Granulated-Sugar-Frosting (CDkitchen)
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup milk (somehow, although we didn’t have it for the cake, we had milk for the frosting.  I dunno.  Things happen.  Milk appears.  Or maybe I substitute half-and-half.  Yeah, that’s it.) 
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix together. Bring to a boil and boil for 1 minute. Add vanilla. Cool partially, then beat 3 minutes or until spreadable consistency.  I placed my small saucepan in my dutch oven filled with ice water to speed the cooling process.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 15, 2009 7:27 am

    Great recipe to have on hand since you can be out of so many things! I’m sure your co-worker loved it!

  2. May 15, 2009 12:16 pm

    awesome. now to find a dairy free frosting!

    • Karissa permalink
      November 16, 2010 11:40 pm

      Powder sugar and water works for a good icing.

  3. lee malerich permalink
    May 15, 2009 1:54 pm

    this is beautiful work! essay question: explain the chemical responses in the non diary and egg cake which mimic the traditional.

    **some of us do not understand why something like this can even happen **

    • brannyboilsover permalink*
      May 15, 2009 10:40 pm

      Although I do sport a degree in chemistry, I must say, I spent very little time in lab with eggs and milk. We all know, however, about the classic volcano experiment that combines vinegar and baking sods and I suspect that this portion of the diary-free recipes provides the leavening agent and rise that is normally produced by eggs.

  4. May 15, 2009 11:12 pm

    NICE! Well done! And I must say, this was a fancy way to “out” her about her birthday. 😉

  5. lee malerich permalink
    May 16, 2009 10:23 am

    ok, vinegar can equal eggs. go figure.

  6. Melissa permalink
    May 18, 2009 6:38 am

    What a nice thing to do for your co-worker!

  7. May 18, 2009 11:30 am

    Who knew you could make a cake without eggs! Looks great!

  8. October 8, 2009 12:00 am

    I made this frosting, but I made it with water instead of milk. Came out very delicious. I made this cake and iced it with the frosting too. My husband was VERY surprised and VERY pleased. He bragged to the bank lady about it.

    • brannyboilsover permalink*
      October 8, 2009 6:48 am

      I am so happy that you came back to report on the results. You had a truly vegan chocolate cake with your substitutions in the frosting. Glad to hear it worked out so well!

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